So one of my summer reading books (which means I pick up fifty different books and finish maybe two) has been Mother Teresa's "Total Surrender." This was recommended to me by a friend who said it was one of the things that helped inspire him to do mission work. Now frankly, mission work has been the story of my life. Or lack thereof. I have never done a mission trip. Ever. In the B.C. era of my life (that would be before conversion), evangelizing was not something I was remotely interested in doing. At all. And there wasn't much need growing up. My sheltered community was very well established in the faith, and I was far more interested in seeking attention and acceptance from the "normal" people around then telling them about Jesus. I very much was lay-low about my beliefs and faith.
In the on-going conversion that I am going through, evangelization still had been difficult. I feel uncomfortable trying to talk about my faith with people that, let's face it, don't get it. But the idea of going to a foreign country and helping impoverished children in some God-forsaken jungle with dirty water actually started to appeal to me. The world is bigger than my own backyard and I wanted to go win it for Jesus. I tried to get on a mission trip for Christmas break to Jamaica, but after making the team, my work would not bend it's schedule and I had to say no. I didn't get on a team for spring break because I was too late applying. And this summer it seems like everyone I know has gone to Haiti, Honduras, Belize, the Sudan, Kenya, and all over the globe doing what my heart has been aching to do. And I will admit, I was upset at God for a long time about this. I couldn't understand why I, who had so much desire to do this, was held back because I couldn't afford to be a missionary. Literally, the irony that I couldn't afford to be a missionary because I needed to work was not lost on me.
Which brings me back to Mother Teresa. She says in her book that obedience is the key to knowing, loving and serving God. Being a 20-year-old college student, there is not much I'm obedient to anymore at first glance. Living with my parents for the summer has not been bad, I have much independence. Even work at a day camp requires little action for active obedience; I use much of my own judgement day-to-day. So I began wondering how I could become obedient, and how I could do it cheerfully and blindly. And then I began to realize that my obedience was not going to be obeying orders from a superior, parent, boss, or general. My obedience, at this time in my life, is to God, and to His will for me. Right now, at this very moment, He has asked that I be a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, a day-camp counselor, and a part-time convenient store worker. And to be the best of me that I can be in doing that. My obedience lies in not wondering why God doesn't want me to go teach orphans about Jesus in a third-world country, but in obeying His command for me to be present to my life here and now. When we constantly wish away our present circumstances or constantly look forward to what could be or look back to what might have been, we pass up our only opportunity to work on becoming a saint. Saints are made in the present, by doing their daily duties just as God asks of them, without question, whatever those tasks are. Christ lived in humble hiding for 30 years, and in those 30 years He lived a perceived ordinary life of a carpenter. Those 30 years of "ordinary" life were preparing Him for his 3 years of ministry in the world, outside of his "circle."
Looks like I have at least 10 more years of obscurity to go. But until then, I will strive in virtue of Our Lady, to live a blindly obedient life, to whatever the circumstances are that I live in and that God calls me to.
"Obedience is the key to holiness." -Mother Teresa
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